![]() Some narcissistic parents threaten to physically harm their children or cut them off emotionally and/or financially if they fail to measure up to their parents’ desires and expectations. One cruel father demanded that his son dig a swimming pool, while another ordered his son to cut the grass with a razor blade or face physical abuse. These parents sometimes expect their children to listen to their rants and rages meet their social, sexual, or financial needs or clean the house or yard immaculately while they relax. ![]() Children of narcissists may be driven to prove themselves to win their teachers’, employers’, and partners’ approval or find little motivation to pursue their wants and goals when not externally supported. They sometimes force their aspirations on their children, hoping to live vicariously through them. This extends to the choice of school, spouse, and career. They will likely insist that their children dress, think, and behave according to their wishes. Similarly, they don’t share in their children’s excitement or pride in something unless it was their idea or of interest to them. They won’t take pleasure in their children’s accomplishments or attractiveness except to the extent that it reflects well upon them. Many such parents behave like children, reversing roles and confiding in their children inappropriately about the other parent (especially after a divorce), about sexual experiences, or about personal sorrows and distress.ĭon’t expect narcissistic parents to be involved with their children’s hobbies, goals, or interests unless it’s also their goal or interest. ![]() The child’s needs, wants, and emotions become inconveniences, personal affronts, or burdens, like the father who coldly told his young son that he had no value because he had no net worth. This is to be expected because, like all narcissists, these parents don’t see their children as separate human beings. Watching her 20-month-old grandchild explore her living room, my narcissistic mother remarked, “He thinks he owns the place!”Ī negligent, controlling, or mixed parenting style is emotionally abandoning. Their child’s independence is considered a threat that can compete with and encroach on them. They personalize their child’s failures and natural impulses toward autonomy and either ignore their child or become more overbearing. In contrast, narcissistic parents put their feelings and needs, particularly emotional needs, ahead of those of their children, who generally adapt, become codependent, and gradually deny their needs and feelings to deal with those of the parent. Mature parents sacrifice their individual needs and wants for the good of the child and to meet their child’s essential needs. ![]() As adults, these children neglect their emotional needs and can’t nurture themselves. Some narcissists outsource parenting and are neglectful to varying degrees, while others might be controlling and abusive. Even a narcissistic mother who holds and cares for her baby isn’t able to accurately empathize with and respond to her infant’s cues and emotions, limiting normal child development. Here’s why their parenting is toxic: Lack of Empathyīecause narcissists lack empathy, they’re unable to nurture, mirror, and understand their children, which are necessary for developing a healthy self-concept and self-love. Although the traits of narcissism are the same, their expression by a mother or father may impact male and female children in unique ways. Their adult relationships are distorted by their early childhood experiences with a narcissistic parent. They struggle with shame and low self-esteem. Children of narcissistic parents typically grow up insecure and codependent. A narcissistic parent can severely damage your self-esteem, which to develop requires love and acceptance from both parents. Your survival and self-concept depend on them. As a child, your parents are your world until you’re able to leave home. A narcissistic parent behaves as they imagine themselves to be-the king or queen of the family, or someone whose activities are more important than being part of the family.
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